Supermom Chronicles
Saturday, February 24, 2007
Balancing Act
I know I haven't blogged in a long time (except for the baptism post earlier today). There is so much to say, so little time to say it. John has stepped up and volunteered to keep the kids with him for awhile this afternoon so I can have a little time to myself. I have so many things I need to get done, and now that I have a few moments I find that I'm having a hard time prioritizing them. So it's a good time to blog.
My return to work after 7 months of maternity leave has actually been thrilling. After I had Cole, I still felt guilty going to work. I felt like I was never really 100% when I was at the clinic. There was always something nagging at me - I'm not sure if it was guilt or some form of anxiety or what. I guess looking back I felt a little ill at ease with my experience level in vet medicine. I was seeking perfection in my work so much that I had a hard time relaxing and enjoying the ride. I was also seeking perfection at home, trying to be everything to John & the kids and then feeling guilty at the end of the day that I hadn't spent enough time with them. Oddly, I find myself in a whole different place now.
I think having 3 kids got me over the perfectionist threshold. It was not a conscious decision, just one that came to be naturally. I think that I am so busy with the kids at home on my "days off", that I truly enjoy returning to work 3 days/week. And vice versa. I no longer feel the guilt that so many working moms do. That's not to say I never will. I'm sure there will be times that I wish I could be there more for my kids. There will probably be future events that I will miss due to work. But right now I'm ok with that. I was home with all 3 kids for 3 months after James was born. I got sucked into a daily routine of maintaining the home. I found that I really didn't do all that much on a one-on-one basis with the kids. I was treading water and felt like all space & time had come to a screeching halt. Now my momentum is back. I need to have a purpose other than motherhood. I think it makes me a better mother and wife. I think my kids will be happier with a mom who is happy. I get so much fulfillment from my work and I know that carries over into my home. Working allows me to be stimulated, then in return to stimulate my children. They seem to be interested in my work, even at this young age, and I like to think that they will be more exposed to the shared roles of parenthood and bread-winner, not locked into the idea that men need to bring home the bacon while women fry it up in a pan. Not that there's anything wrong with that - it just doesn't work for me. I remember I used to read everything I could about the "Mommy Wars" (stay-at-home mom vs working mom). Anytime I heard they were going to talk about it on TV, I tried to tune in. If there was an article in a magazine or newspaper, you could be sure I had read it. I was always striving to find my niche. Well, I've finally found it. I don't think it's an argument for which is right or wrong; it's more a decision of what's right for me.
The irony is that after all that time off from work, I feel like I'm actually a better veterinarian. That peace that I have found with my place in life has definitely spilled over into my daily profession. I no longer seek perfection at work. I am human. All doctors are human. We're going to make mistakes. To put my own M.D. on a pedestal and expect that he would never make a mistake is ridiculous. We take all the knowledge that we have available, take into account our patient's needs, the needs and abilities of their owners, and do the best we can. Practicing medicine has come back to me like riding a bike. I'm shocked sometimes at how easily I remember things. I have to look up drug doses more than I used to just to be sure - I'm just not willing to *think* I know the right dose and then make a mistake. In time, I won't have to look that up as much. I'm not stressed at work anymore. I used to be (I know, I never let it really show; it was all internal). That's pretty much gone now. Yes, there are busy days at work, but all I can do is do my best. Then I get to come home to my beautiful family.
There's always more and better things we want out of life...more money, better furniture, more time, more sleep! That's ok. If I had nothing to want for, life would be pretty boring. I have to say, right now life is pretty good. James' unexpected arrival into our lives has turned out to be an unexpected blessing in ways I couldn't have expected. There is a plan for us greater than what we can conceive. I think we just have to let it happen.
My return to work after 7 months of maternity leave has actually been thrilling. After I had Cole, I still felt guilty going to work. I felt like I was never really 100% when I was at the clinic. There was always something nagging at me - I'm not sure if it was guilt or some form of anxiety or what. I guess looking back I felt a little ill at ease with my experience level in vet medicine. I was seeking perfection in my work so much that I had a hard time relaxing and enjoying the ride. I was also seeking perfection at home, trying to be everything to John & the kids and then feeling guilty at the end of the day that I hadn't spent enough time with them. Oddly, I find myself in a whole different place now.
I think having 3 kids got me over the perfectionist threshold. It was not a conscious decision, just one that came to be naturally. I think that I am so busy with the kids at home on my "days off", that I truly enjoy returning to work 3 days/week. And vice versa. I no longer feel the guilt that so many working moms do. That's not to say I never will. I'm sure there will be times that I wish I could be there more for my kids. There will probably be future events that I will miss due to work. But right now I'm ok with that. I was home with all 3 kids for 3 months after James was born. I got sucked into a daily routine of maintaining the home. I found that I really didn't do all that much on a one-on-one basis with the kids. I was treading water and felt like all space & time had come to a screeching halt. Now my momentum is back. I need to have a purpose other than motherhood. I think it makes me a better mother and wife. I think my kids will be happier with a mom who is happy. I get so much fulfillment from my work and I know that carries over into my home. Working allows me to be stimulated, then in return to stimulate my children. They seem to be interested in my work, even at this young age, and I like to think that they will be more exposed to the shared roles of parenthood and bread-winner, not locked into the idea that men need to bring home the bacon while women fry it up in a pan. Not that there's anything wrong with that - it just doesn't work for me. I remember I used to read everything I could about the "Mommy Wars" (stay-at-home mom vs working mom). Anytime I heard they were going to talk about it on TV, I tried to tune in. If there was an article in a magazine or newspaper, you could be sure I had read it. I was always striving to find my niche. Well, I've finally found it. I don't think it's an argument for which is right or wrong; it's more a decision of what's right for me.
The irony is that after all that time off from work, I feel like I'm actually a better veterinarian. That peace that I have found with my place in life has definitely spilled over into my daily profession. I no longer seek perfection at work. I am human. All doctors are human. We're going to make mistakes. To put my own M.D. on a pedestal and expect that he would never make a mistake is ridiculous. We take all the knowledge that we have available, take into account our patient's needs, the needs and abilities of their owners, and do the best we can. Practicing medicine has come back to me like riding a bike. I'm shocked sometimes at how easily I remember things. I have to look up drug doses more than I used to just to be sure - I'm just not willing to *think* I know the right dose and then make a mistake. In time, I won't have to look that up as much. I'm not stressed at work anymore. I used to be (I know, I never let it really show; it was all internal). That's pretty much gone now. Yes, there are busy days at work, but all I can do is do my best. Then I get to come home to my beautiful family.
There's always more and better things we want out of life...more money, better furniture, more time, more sleep! That's ok. If I had nothing to want for, life would be pretty boring. I have to say, right now life is pretty good. James' unexpected arrival into our lives has turned out to be an unexpected blessing in ways I couldn't have expected. There is a plan for us greater than what we can conceive. I think we just have to let it happen.
posted by Joey at 3:49 PM
5 Comments:
Great post..Its good to have you back at work. We all missed you.
I definitely think we (you and me) have the best of both worlds - getting to work at this great clinic, doing a fun and mentally challenging job, but not having to be there a ridiculous number of (full-time) hours. We still get to spend lots of time with our families.
I thought you said it so well, about how staying at home full time ends up being so much drudgery regarding keeping the house clean, the children fed, and the diapers changed. Even if we let someone else do this for a portion of the day, the kids definitely still know who mama is. AND, these other people will do these tasks cheerfully, since they get a long break every day and get paid for it.
Anyway, hope you get more opportunities to post more soon. This was a great entry.
Recently there was a request made to the mainstream media for a "Ceasefire to the mommy wars". Hopefully they will do it and then we can read more positive stories about how parents are dealing with meeting the needs of themselves, their families and others.
Maybe I need to have another kid :-) I still haven't gotten over the guilt factor yet. I feel guilty when I'm at work and feel guilty about missing work when I need to (which is why I bring my sick son to work with me). I hope that once I'm done with school, I will find that balance too!
Thanks for writing this.
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