Supermom Chronicles
Saturday, February 24, 2007
Balancing Act
I know I haven't blogged in a long time (except for the baptism post earlier today). There is so much to say, so little time to say it. John has stepped up and volunteered to keep the kids with him for awhile this afternoon so I can have a little time to myself. I have so many things I need to get done, and now that I have a few moments I find that I'm having a hard time prioritizing them. So it's a good time to blog.
My return to work after 7 months of maternity leave has actually been thrilling. After I had Cole, I still felt guilty going to work. I felt like I was never really 100% when I was at the clinic. There was always something nagging at me - I'm not sure if it was guilt or some form of anxiety or what. I guess looking back I felt a little ill at ease with my experience level in vet medicine. I was seeking perfection in my work so much that I had a hard time relaxing and enjoying the ride. I was also seeking perfection at home, trying to be everything to John & the kids and then feeling guilty at the end of the day that I hadn't spent enough time with them. Oddly, I find myself in a whole different place now.
I think having 3 kids got me over the perfectionist threshold. It was not a conscious decision, just one that came to be naturally. I think that I am so busy with the kids at home on my "days off", that I truly enjoy returning to work 3 days/week. And vice versa. I no longer feel the guilt that so many working moms do. That's not to say I never will. I'm sure there will be times that I wish I could be there more for my kids. There will probably be future events that I will miss due to work. But right now I'm ok with that. I was home with all 3 kids for 3 months after James was born. I got sucked into a daily routine of maintaining the home. I found that I really didn't do all that much on a one-on-one basis with the kids. I was treading water and felt like all space & time had come to a screeching halt. Now my momentum is back. I need to have a purpose other than motherhood. I think it makes me a better mother and wife. I think my kids will be happier with a mom who is happy. I get so much fulfillment from my work and I know that carries over into my home. Working allows me to be stimulated, then in return to stimulate my children. They seem to be interested in my work, even at this young age, and I like to think that they will be more exposed to the shared roles of parenthood and bread-winner, not locked into the idea that men need to bring home the bacon while women fry it up in a pan. Not that there's anything wrong with that - it just doesn't work for me. I remember I used to read everything I could about the "Mommy Wars" (stay-at-home mom vs working mom). Anytime I heard they were going to talk about it on TV, I tried to tune in. If there was an article in a magazine or newspaper, you could be sure I had read it. I was always striving to find my niche. Well, I've finally found it. I don't think it's an argument for which is right or wrong; it's more a decision of what's right for me.
The irony is that after all that time off from work, I feel like I'm actually a better veterinarian. That peace that I have found with my place in life has definitely spilled over into my daily profession. I no longer seek perfection at work. I am human. All doctors are human. We're going to make mistakes. To put my own M.D. on a pedestal and expect that he would never make a mistake is ridiculous. We take all the knowledge that we have available, take into account our patient's needs, the needs and abilities of their owners, and do the best we can. Practicing medicine has come back to me like riding a bike. I'm shocked sometimes at how easily I remember things. I have to look up drug doses more than I used to just to be sure - I'm just not willing to *think* I know the right dose and then make a mistake. In time, I won't have to look that up as much. I'm not stressed at work anymore. I used to be (I know, I never let it really show; it was all internal). That's pretty much gone now. Yes, there are busy days at work, but all I can do is do my best. Then I get to come home to my beautiful family.
There's always more and better things we want out of life...more money, better furniture, more time, more sleep! That's ok. If I had nothing to want for, life would be pretty boring. I have to say, right now life is pretty good. James' unexpected arrival into our lives has turned out to be an unexpected blessing in ways I couldn't have expected. There is a plan for us greater than what we can conceive. I think we just have to let it happen.
My return to work after 7 months of maternity leave has actually been thrilling. After I had Cole, I still felt guilty going to work. I felt like I was never really 100% when I was at the clinic. There was always something nagging at me - I'm not sure if it was guilt or some form of anxiety or what. I guess looking back I felt a little ill at ease with my experience level in vet medicine. I was seeking perfection in my work so much that I had a hard time relaxing and enjoying the ride. I was also seeking perfection at home, trying to be everything to John & the kids and then feeling guilty at the end of the day that I hadn't spent enough time with them. Oddly, I find myself in a whole different place now.
I think having 3 kids got me over the perfectionist threshold. It was not a conscious decision, just one that came to be naturally. I think that I am so busy with the kids at home on my "days off", that I truly enjoy returning to work 3 days/week. And vice versa. I no longer feel the guilt that so many working moms do. That's not to say I never will. I'm sure there will be times that I wish I could be there more for my kids. There will probably be future events that I will miss due to work. But right now I'm ok with that. I was home with all 3 kids for 3 months after James was born. I got sucked into a daily routine of maintaining the home. I found that I really didn't do all that much on a one-on-one basis with the kids. I was treading water and felt like all space & time had come to a screeching halt. Now my momentum is back. I need to have a purpose other than motherhood. I think it makes me a better mother and wife. I think my kids will be happier with a mom who is happy. I get so much fulfillment from my work and I know that carries over into my home. Working allows me to be stimulated, then in return to stimulate my children. They seem to be interested in my work, even at this young age, and I like to think that they will be more exposed to the shared roles of parenthood and bread-winner, not locked into the idea that men need to bring home the bacon while women fry it up in a pan. Not that there's anything wrong with that - it just doesn't work for me. I remember I used to read everything I could about the "Mommy Wars" (stay-at-home mom vs working mom). Anytime I heard they were going to talk about it on TV, I tried to tune in. If there was an article in a magazine or newspaper, you could be sure I had read it. I was always striving to find my niche. Well, I've finally found it. I don't think it's an argument for which is right or wrong; it's more a decision of what's right for me.
The irony is that after all that time off from work, I feel like I'm actually a better veterinarian. That peace that I have found with my place in life has definitely spilled over into my daily profession. I no longer seek perfection at work. I am human. All doctors are human. We're going to make mistakes. To put my own M.D. on a pedestal and expect that he would never make a mistake is ridiculous. We take all the knowledge that we have available, take into account our patient's needs, the needs and abilities of their owners, and do the best we can. Practicing medicine has come back to me like riding a bike. I'm shocked sometimes at how easily I remember things. I have to look up drug doses more than I used to just to be sure - I'm just not willing to *think* I know the right dose and then make a mistake. In time, I won't have to look that up as much. I'm not stressed at work anymore. I used to be (I know, I never let it really show; it was all internal). That's pretty much gone now. Yes, there are busy days at work, but all I can do is do my best. Then I get to come home to my beautiful family.
There's always more and better things we want out of life...more money, better furniture, more time, more sleep! That's ok. If I had nothing to want for, life would be pretty boring. I have to say, right now life is pretty good. James' unexpected arrival into our lives has turned out to be an unexpected blessing in ways I couldn't have expected. There is a plan for us greater than what we can conceive. I think we just have to let it happen.
Don't cry over spilled candlewax
Through the 10 years of our marriage, John and I have been nomads. We have moved from town to town around central Texas. In doing so, we have found it difficult to find a church home. He was raised Catholic, I was raised Lutheran, and we never seemed to find the right church for both of us. We have actually attended more Baptist services over the past 10 years than anything. It seemed that we could always find a good Baptist church with an invigorating preacher no matter what town we were in. When we finally bought a house in Kyle (the house that I have no intention of ever moving from!), we finally set out in earnest to select a church that our family could join. We have happily begun attending Bethany Lutheran Church. I really like the pastors, the congregation that we have met thus far seems very nice, and they are large enough to have a well established children's ministry. It is really important to me to be able to raise our kids on a strong foundation. I hope that they will enjoy growing up in this church.
Two Sundays ago, we were thrilled to finally get Cole & James baptized. Faith was baptized at 3 months of age at my hometown Lutheran Church, but in all our moving we never got Cole baptized. They did so well. Cole was obviously a little concerned about the whole proceedings, but there was no crying or resisting. A quiet calm came over both the boys (thankfully...I prayed for that prior to the service). The only "outburst" came from Faith after church was over. We decided to stand near the baptismal candle and font for a family picture. Faith, however, backed right into the lit candle, spilling wax all over the carpeted floor near the altar. She burst out crying, she felt so bad. I felt sorry for her. One of the pastors walked by and kindly said, "It's ok, it happens all the time." I wonder if that was a little white lie he told right there in church! We tried to tell Faith it was no big deal (we were just happy we didn't catch the church on fire!), but you can see from this picture she was not too happy about the whole situation.
Afterwords, we invited all the family to come over for lunch and visiting. I bought some beautiful white and red tulips from Randalls to celebrate the day. I wish I could afford to always have fresh flower arrangements in my home. They bring so much beauty to the room and really brighten my day. So we are excited about finding a church that we like and are in the process of joining. Hopefully we'll make a lot of new friends and our children will grow up knowing God.
Two Sundays ago, we were thrilled to finally get Cole & James baptized. Faith was baptized at 3 months of age at my hometown Lutheran Church, but in all our moving we never got Cole baptized. They did so well. Cole was obviously a little concerned about the whole proceedings, but there was no crying or resisting. A quiet calm came over both the boys (thankfully...I prayed for that prior to the service). The only "outburst" came from Faith after church was over. We decided to stand near the baptismal candle and font for a family picture. Faith, however, backed right into the lit candle, spilling wax all over the carpeted floor near the altar. She burst out crying, she felt so bad. I felt sorry for her. One of the pastors walked by and kindly said, "It's ok, it happens all the time." I wonder if that was a little white lie he told right there in church! We tried to tell Faith it was no big deal (we were just happy we didn't catch the church on fire!), but you can see from this picture she was not too happy about the whole situation.
Afterwords, we invited all the family to come over for lunch and visiting. I bought some beautiful white and red tulips from Randalls to celebrate the day. I wish I could afford to always have fresh flower arrangements in my home. They bring so much beauty to the room and really brighten my day. So we are excited about finding a church that we like and are in the process of joining. Hopefully we'll make a lot of new friends and our children will grow up knowing God.
Saturday, February 17, 2007
I'm trying
Faith & Cole are watching a recording of A Charlie Brown Valentine's, James is entertaining himself with a pacifier, John is in the shower, so I have a very valuable few moments to myself to write...
What was I thinking? James just started screaming and I realized it's time to feed him. Oh well, I'll try again later. I thought about erasing this post, but then I figured at least it's something to prove I am trying...
What was I thinking? James just started screaming and I realized it's time to feed him. Oh well, I'll try again later. I thought about erasing this post, but then I figured at least it's something to prove I am trying...
Monday, February 12, 2007
It's all Greek to Me!
Thank you, Leah, for your comments about my blog. She informed me of the interesting links attached to this template. So I checked it out in it's entirety just a few seconds ago & realized there's some interesting language used, too. God only knows what it says - hopefully nothing crude or rude! That'll teach me to download a blog template in a hurry without checking it all out. Anyway, as usual I don't have time right now to fix it (James & John are anxiously waiting for me), so I'll tend to it tomorrow I hope. So pardon my language on the blog, it's all Greek to me:)
Friday, February 09, 2007
I only have 2 seconds...
Yes, I'm still here. I've been refusing to post another update until I have time to redo my template/background, but alas, that is not happening. I have returned to work - have much to say about that. We've redone a room in our house, so staying very busy finishing that project. We have the whole family coming this weekend to witness and celebrate the baptisms of Cole & James this Sunday. We're all very excited about that (and I'm busy cleaning house). Now John is calling me from the other room because James is hungry. Gotta run! I promise after this weekend, I will get my blog up to date!
